


Purride and Purrejudice

by 2x2verse (agent_florida)



Category: Homestuck, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Culling, F/M, Hemoism, Hemospectrum, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, moirallegiance is how you pass property idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:37:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3635154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_florida/pseuds/2x2verse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single troll in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a moirail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i've made a mistake

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single troll in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a moirail.

However little known the feelings or views of such a troll may be on her first entering a hivestem, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding residents, that she is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their acquaintance.

\-- actionableCacophony [AC] started trolling coctileGravamen [CG] -–  
AC: My dearheart, have you heard that the penthive of our hivestem is let at last?  
CG: i had not.  
AC: 6ut it is!! Sparky has just 6een here, and he told me all a6out it.  
\-- coctileGravamen [CG] is an idle troll! –-  
AC: Do you not want to know who it is 9oin9 to?  
CG: you want to tell me, and i have no objection to hearing it.  
AC: Om9om9om9m9mm9omo9mo9mo9mo9!  
AC: You have to know, the Psiioniic says that the penthive is taken 6y a youn9 seadweller of lar9e fortune from the coast.  
AC: She came down on Mournday on a 9reat muscle6east to see the place.  
AC: She was s9 much deli9hted with it that she a9reed with Rosa immediately!!  
AC: She is to take possession (excuse the term, my 6eloved) 6efore the turn to the dim season.  
AC: Some of her (trigger warning: o6jectiona6le terminology) servants are to 6e in the hive 6y the end of next apo9ee.  
CG: what is her name?  
AC: Peixes, I 6elieve.  
CG: is she quadranted or single?  
AC: Oh, sin9le, my darlin9, to 6e sure!  
AC: Ah, a sin9le troll of lar9e fortune. What a fine thin9 for our 6rood.  
CG: how so? how can it affect them?  
AC: My sweetest of hearts, how can you 6e so tiresome?  
AC: You must know that I am thinking of her 6ecoming quadranted with one of them.  
CG: is that her design in moving here?  
AC: Desi9n!!! Hehehehehe, nonsense, how can you talk so?  
AC: But it is very likely that she may fall pitch over pale for one of them, 6ein9 such lovely youn9sters, and therefore you must visit her as soon as she comes.  
CG: i see no occasion for that.  
CG: you and the young ones may go, or you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better.  
CG: for as you are as handsome of any of them, miss peixes may like you best of the party.  
CG: <3  
AC: My 6eloved, you flatter me. :3  
AC: I certainly have my share of 6eauty, 6ut I do not pretend to 6e anythin9 extraordinary now.  
AC: When a troll has a 6rood of five past their molt, she ou9ht to 9ive over thinkin9 of her own 6eauty.  
CG: but in this case, this troll has too much beauty to think of.  
AC: Ah, 6ut my dear, you must indeed 9o and see Miss Peixes when she comes into the nei9h6orhood.  
CG: it is more than i engage for, i assure you.  
AC: 6ut consider the youn9 ones! Only think what an esta6lishment it would 6e for one of them.  
AC: Sparky and Rosa are determined to 9o, merely on that account; for in 9eneral, you know, they visit no newcomers.  
AC: Indeed you must 9o, for it will 6e impossi6le for us to visit her, if you do not.  
CG: you are overcautious, surely.  
CG: i daresay miss peixes will be very glad to see you.  
CG: i will send a few lines by you to assure her of my hearty consent to her entering into any and all quadrants with whichever she chooses of the youth, though i must throw in a good word for my little nep.  
AC: I desire you will do no such thin9, my love.  
AC: Nep is not a 6it 6etter than the others, and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Karkat, nor half so 9ood-humored as Tavros.  
AC: 6ut you are always 9ivin9 her a preference!  
CG: unfortunately none of ours have much to recommend them.  
CG: there is a reason they were entered into the system, my darling.  
CG: but nepeta has something more of quickness than the rest of our grubs.  
AC: 6eloved! I do wish you wouldn’t a6use our cullees in such a way.  
AC: You must take such deli9ht in vexin9 me, and o6viously you have no compassion for my poor nerves. ;3  
CG: you mistake me, my dear.  
CG: i have a high respect for your sensibilities.  
CG: your worries over the violence inherent in the system has been my constant companion these twenty sweeps at least.  
AC: You cannot know what they suffer without en9a9in9 the pro6lematic nature of the process.  
CG: i hope you can put this aside, and live to see many young seadwellers of considerable fortune come into the neighborhood.  
AC: Would it matter if there were twenty such hi9h6loods? You would not visit them.  
CG: depend on it, my love, that when there are twenty, i will ingrate myself in front of them all. d:B  
AC: I must depart, my darlin9. Keep the wi99lers safe.  
CG: <3  
AC: <3  
\-- actionableCacophony [AC] stopped trolling coctileGravamen [CG] –-

The Sufferer, or as some knew him, the Signless or Ynadon Vantas, was so odd a mixture of fiery abolitionism, sarcastic humor, reserve, and compassion that the experiences of a lifetime would still be insufficient to make his darling understand his character. He remained a shadowy figure, though more out of fear for his own safety than for any shyness on his part, and he played an admirable role in the Empire by taking in the culled and abandoned and providing them a safe hive.

Dianar Leijon, his mate the Disciple, was somewhat less reserved. As the breadwinner for their brood, it was her responsibility to continue hunting: hunting for meat, hunting for matesprits, it made little difference to her. She was a troll of insurrection, incorrigible cheerfulness, and insurmountable tendencies to ship everyone around her. When she was discontented, it was because of her disappointment in troll society as it stood, and she fancied herself nervous.

The business of their lives was to remain inconspicuous, raise a rebellion, and to keep the young ones in their charge safe from harm. Part of this was in ensuring good matches for them. Their solace was visiting and news—and circulation of pamphlets.


	2. Chapter 2

“If I could pity a moirail,” Nepeta mused that night with Karkat in their shared respiteblock, “who could be persuaded to take me with our mere fifty caegars a year in allowance, I would be very well pleased.”

“Of fucking course,” said Karkat, brushing out the snarls in his hair. As he smoothed the hairbrush through it, it stood on end with static electricity.

“But,” Nepeta continued, lost in thought, “such a moirail could hardly be sensible, and you know I could never pink someone who was out of their wits.”

“And I don’t want that for you,” Karkat reassured her, voice snarling but words polite. “A moirallegiance where either partner cannot pity or respect the other cannot be agreeable. It cannot even fucking function as it should.”

“We may not have the best example,” Nepeta pointed out. Their cullers, their troll lusii, claimed publicly to be in a moirallegiance, but behind closed doors were _more_ —flushed as flush could be, merging the two quadrants into one red smear of affection that was blasphemous to admit in public. “But beggars, you know, cannot be choosers.” Because of their blood color, their cullee status, it was unlikely for them to be able to rise to such heights as Miss Peixes and her entourage.

“We can’t be _that_ fucking unfortunate,” Karkat insisted, the hint of his temper under his voice.

Nepeta smiled sadly. “With the estate of our cullers, and two cullusii who are determined to begin a cultural revolution and become social pariahs if that is the cost, we have little but our conciliatory compassion and charms to recommend us. One of us at least will have to moiralliege extremely well.” She reached out a foot from her seat at the tail of her coon to bop her cocull on the butt from where he sat at the reflective surface preparation station. “And since you are quite five times as romantic as the rest of us, and have the most ardent disposition, I fear the task may fall on you to raise the fortunes of us all.”

“Nepeta.” Karkat whipped around, but his face was soft, even though his words were harsh. “I wish—man. I would really fucking like to actually alliege when there’s something there.”

“And so you shall,” Nepeta reassured him, “I am sure.” She rose from her cushion to embrace her cocull around the shoulders and rest her chin between his nubby horns. “Only take care to fall pale for someone of good fortune and status.”

“I’ll try,” Karkat said dubiously. “For you, if nothing else, you filthy shipper, I know you’re scheming something. But what about you?”

“Oh, about me.” Nepeta stared at the eyes of herself and her cocull in the reflective surface. “I am determined but nothing but the softest of pale will induce me into allegiance.” She carded her hands through Karkat’s hair. “So I shall die unquadranted to the end, and I shall teach your ten cullees to write fanfiction and draw fanart very ill indeed.”

She planted a kiss in the sworl of Karkat’s cowlick. He batted her away. With a giggle, she retreated to coon, but not before she wished a good morning to everyone in their branch of the hivestem.

 

\-----

 

Ynadon Vantas was among the earliest of those who waited on Ms. Peixes when she established herself in the penthouse. He had always intended to visit her, though to the last always teasing his beloved that he should not go, and simultaneously pointing out the seriousness of potentially bungling this introduction and calling the attention of the authorities to their rebellion. Until the evening after the visit was paid, the rest of the brood had no knowledge of it. It was then disclosed in the following manner: Pacing in the receivingblock, and leaning over to observe his second eldest employed in the execution of fanart for the popular serial Red Diamonds, he suddenly addressed her with, “I hope Ms. Peixes will like it, Nep.”

“Oh, please do not pin your hopes to this, Nepeta,” fretted the Disciple, “for we cannot visit according to the highblood social protocol as of yet.” In her chair in the receivingblock, she shifted and occupied her hands by stitching together fine furs, the product of her hunts.

“But you forget, cullusus,” said Nepeta, “that we shall meet her at the assemblies, and that the Dolorosa has promised to introduce her, as she is the one who obtained her condescension first.”

“Do you think she will do any such thing?” The stabbing of the needle into the animal skin by the Disciple grew slightly more violent, though her voice kept to an even keel. “She is just as societally disadvantaged as we, and is unlikely to risk her own status for the benefit of the community, for if she calls the attention of such a highblood it will raise questions as to why she is not following the calling of her caste. No, I do not believe so, and I have no opinion of her in this regard.”

“No more than I,” the Signless reassured his beloved, “and I am glad to find that you do not depend on such a social nicety.”

The Disciple glowered over her furs. She had not the slightest of how to contravene the usual protocol to introduce her brood to someone who could so much advance them in station. But despite her intent to be lost in thought, Meulin was making delighted purring noises as she consumed her latest fanfiction. “Meumeu!” she scolded, then, as her cullee was deaf, she reached out to tap her on the shoulder. Once she had the girl’s attention, “You are purring too loudly,” she signed and spoke at once, “don’t keep making such noise, for the sake of the sea! I am contemplating how best to plot the course of your future and I cannot do so with such distractions.”

“Oh, leave her be,” the Sufferer said warmly, tucking Meulin into a warm half-embrace under the wrap of his arms around her shoulders. “She has no discretion in her purrs and may time them ill, for she does not hear them.”

Meulin made an alarmed noise as close to an exclamation point as speech can be, and signed, _I do not purr intentionally, please do not believe it was directed at you, cullusus._ And then, turning to Nepeta, a catlike meow-meow-blep and a movement of her hands, _when is your next duel to be, Nep?_

“An apogee from tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right,” and at this Dianar threw down her furs onto her lap in frustration. “And Lady Maryam is in the country and shall not return until the night before, so it will be impossible for her to introduce Miss Peixes and her host, for she will not know her at all.”

“Perhaps,” the Sufferer suggested with a sly smile, “you may have an advantage over your similarly verdant friend, and introduce Miss Peixes to _her_.”

“I cannot,” sniffed the Disciple, “it is impossible, as I have not yet been acquainted with Miss Peixes myself. These social constructs constrict us at every turn, my beloved.”

“An astute observation, my love,” Ynadon noted. “And an apogee’s acquaintance may itself not be enough to permit an introduction, for those of our social capital. It certainly would not be long enough to take the true barometer of a seatroll’s character. But if _we_ do not venture, someone else _surely_ will, and so we may have to take that chance to introduce a woman who is a stranger to us to our closest friends.”

All eyes in the room snapped to him; Kankri’s mouth even hung a little open. The cultural horror that would bestow upon the clade would be unbearable. The Disciple, however, had to be the one to point out to her co-cullusus, “That would be social suicide! Nonsense, dearest.”

“And what do you mean by that, that it is nonsense? Because I do agree with you, I find the forms of introduction and the stress that is laid upon them to be another restrictive mechanism which striates the blood castes and keeps them from intermingling as they ought in the great genetic slurry that is our species, but as we must follow them or risk our ousting as countercultural ingrates, I cannot agree with you entirely.” Turning to Kankri, whose mouth had shut but whose nose was deep into a book, the Signless said, “What say you, Kankri? For you are a young troll of deep reflection, I know, and you read great books and copy the extracts for yourself, you must have read something of some import to this situation.”

Kankri wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how. Undaunted, he spoke, “I am glad you have asked me for my opinion, and so I shall give it in as much detail as I can. In embarking upon this discussion, I should preface it with the common trigger warnings of caste discrimination, purple-down patriarchy, and seadweller privilege. As you know, when seadwellers choose to vacation in a borough like ours, it portends a kind of scouting, as if they are testing our fortitude for some small-scale invasion or some nuanced imposition of themselves over our society, in the hopes of molding it to their preferences. As such, I would recommend—”

“Yes, thank you, Kankri,” Ynadon said gently as his cullee continued nattering. “While he is adjusting his ideas, let us return to the subject of Miss Peixes.”

“Must we?” asked Dianar with some exhaustion. “I despair of ever catching her attention.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” the Sufferer said, a smile spreading upon his visage, “but if I had known as much this midnight, I certainly would not have called upon her. I am afraid we cannot escape the acquaintance now.”

The Disciple was very still. “You have called on her?”

“Yes.”

“And she has accepted your ingratiation?”

“Yes, my love.”

The astonishment and joy on his beloved’s face was everything the Sufferer had hoped for. “Oh, how wonderful, my love, it is difficult to believe that she would have noticed our attentions on her, but I was sure you loved our grubs too well to chance neglecting such an acquaintance, even if a misstep would have landed us on the social out-registry. And you are sure you have not displeased her?”

“A guarantee is impossible,” and at this Ynadon ceased his pacing, leaned down, and placed a gentle kiss between the horns of his love, “but I believe this to be the beginning of something excellent. Meulin,” and he caught her attention by laying a hand on her shoulder before he exited the room and signed the following to her as he spoke it, “you may purr as much as you please now.”

The Disciple breathed yet another sigh of relief once the Signless had exited the room. “He takes so many risks for our little clade. I do not know how any of us shall ever repay him for his bravery. In our line of work, it is extremely difficult to form new acquaintances with any amount of discretion, but for your sakes, both of us would do anything to ensure your happiness. Tavros, my little bull, I daresay, though you are the runt of our litter, I daresay Miss Peixes will dance with even you at the next ball.”

“I, I am unafraid,” Tavros stuttered, but his face began to color bronze at the thought of such a compliment being paid to him. “I may be the most, uh, visually disabled, and cullable, of all of us, but, uh, at the same time, with my, uh, limb enhancements, I can look like the tallest of any of us, and, uh, the most healthy, and a good moirail.”

The rest of the early morning hours, until the sun came up, were spent in conjecturing how soon it could be possible for Miss Peixes to return the favor of the Signless’s visit to her, if she ever could, and determining a strategy by which they could invite her for a meal to demonstrate the adequacy and bounty of their table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [about the author](http://2x2verse.tumblr.com/abouttheauthor)


End file.
